Peace
Posted by: dana on: September 11, 2009
After my breakdown Wednesday, I realized I needed two things. 1) Sleep. 2) Time with God.
Wednesday night I went to bed early and felt much better the next day. But not quite up to par yet. I grabbed my Bible, a blanket and spent my lunch break in a field reading.
I decided to pick up where I had left off in my In The Bible reading, which was a couple chapters into Deuteronomy. My book mark, and God, were right there waiting for me with exactly what I needed:
Deuteronomy 4
28 There you will worship man-made gods of wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or eat or smell. 29 But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. 30 When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God and obey him. 31 For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.
I don’t see it as any coincidence that this is where I stopped reading. That when I picked up my Bible again all this time later, the passage I would read would be the one telling me that God had not abandoned me in my distress and would be there whenever I decided to turn back to Him. And gently reminding me that my unrest had come from putting stock in objects and paychecks rather than trusting Him.
I wrote down all the things that had been troubling me and stuck them in my Bible. And now … I still have problems, but I also have peace.
A plea
Posted by: dana on: September 9, 2009
- In: Jesus| Prayer| Religion| faith
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Oh God,
I am so overwhelmed. Please help me with the things that weigh on my heart. And wallet. And Spirit.
Help guide me in the face of another cold Ohio winter. Protect me from the seasonal depression that already is paralyzing me with an anxiety I cannot describe. If you have work for me to do somewhere that is warm (or at least warmer) you can let me know about it any time now.
Help me to find satisfaction from my work. I am exhausted by all of the tasks I have taken on. A full-time job, a part-time job, a freelance job, an artistic venture. The work I love bears no fruit and the work that sustains my family and puts a roof over our head makes me miserable to an incapacitating degree.
I have tried so hard to find a balance between the work that feeds my soul and the work that feeds my mouth, but all I see are the failures in both works, and I wonder if anything I’m doing is good. Is any of this pleasing to You, Lord? Is there anything salvageable in what I do or should I just hit a giant reset button?
And despite all of this work, I am still barely making ends meet. I need rest, but am constantly living life a paycheck away from losing everything, which isn’t all that much to begin with. Even when I clear the time to give myself rest, that rest rarely comes with the peace I need to sustain my spirit.
Give me peace. Please.
Talents and times of turmoil
Posted by: dana on: March 17, 2009
- In: News| Religion| faith| free will
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Times are tough right now, and with layoffs and salary cuts abounding, it’s easy to let fear consume us.
But it doesn’t have to be. Of course it’s scary not being sure if you can provide for your family. And I’m not going to give a “trust in God and everything will be OK” pep talk.
But honestly fear of losing my job has really got me thinking. What if I did? Would a new door open up to me that I may never have considered before? Is there a talent I am neglecting because I am so darn comfortable doing what I am doing? Could that talent serve God better than my current work?
Without fear, I might never consider those options and see the potential that can exist in these hard times.
It’s a thought I’m still exploring.
Addendum: Oh how fitting. I JUST found out we’re all getting 10 percent pay cuts. And more layoffs are to come. I guess I’ll need to explore this thought a little deeper now.
Going to church alone
Posted by: dana on: March 12, 2009
- In: Bible| Religion| faith
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It’s been quiet here on Painting Faith for a while. I’ve discovered since I lost my favorite morning radio program how much I need that daily dose of God’s Word. Or at least weekly.
Right now I’m not getting much at all. Sure I get into conversations about God with other friends who have similar beliefs to mine. And those are exciting and great, especially the ones with my husband.
But I need fed with a little more frequency.
I could, oh I don’t know, read my Bible. When did that become and exhausting chore? Probably around the time I decided I was going to read the whole thing cover to cover in order. With that dumb checklist in front of me, reading the Bible quickly became homework instead of Worship. Sheesh, if you follow that link, I even CALL it a “task” in the first sentence. Ugh.
There was a time in my life where, no matter how busy, I read my Bible an hour a day. It was a priority, and I found not only did I get everything done in time, I often got it done with more ease and efficiency. Being able to refocus and recenter myself was always a great thing. But once I got out of the groove, it’s been hard to get back in it.
And then of course, there’s church. I haven’t attended church with any frequency since before I got married two and a half years ago. My husband, while probably more in tune with God than I am, is not really interested in attending.
That’s certainly no excuse for me not to attend — he was very encouraging of me doing whatever I needed to do. But it certainly is my No. 1. hesitation in getting invested somewhere. I cringe when I think about going without him. I want to learn about God with him … not a room full of strangers. Even though before we were together, I went alone all the time. Does that make sense?
And I’d like to build bonds with other people in the church. But if those bonds are going to be centered around the most profound thing one can base a relationship on — God — I certianly want my husband to be a part of that.
And if I told him I really really really really wanted him to go with me, he would. And I may play that card eventually. But I don’t want to force his hand, so that will be a last resort.
Plus, some of you may know what I’m talking about, church-goers are some of the nosiest people I have ever met. People who use prayer as a form of gossip, God’s will as a reason to meddle in business that isn’t there’s. I’ve had some BAD experiences in this area, and get the willies just thinking of those people and the “of course I’m not being judgmental” judgmental faces they would make if I were to share this dilemma with them.
Is this unfair of me to pre-judge people at my potential future church before I even attend? You bet. Should I just suck it up and go to church because that’s what I need and trust that as long as I’m following God I shouldn’t fear what will happen next? Absolutely.
Will I? Dunno.
I could use your thoughts and maybe some encouragement.
Penalty
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