It’s been quiet here on Painting Faith for a while. I’ve discovered since I lost my favorite morning radio program how much I need that daily dose of God’s Word. Or at least weekly.
Right now I’m not getting much at all. Sure I get into conversations about God with other friends who have similar beliefs to mine. And those are exciting and great, especially the ones with my husband.
But I need fed with a little more frequency.
I could, oh I don’t know, read my Bible. When did that become and exhausting chore? Probably around the time I decided I was going to read the whole thing cover to cover in order. With that dumb checklist in front of me, reading the Bible quickly became homework instead of Worship. Sheesh, if you follow that link, I even CALL it a “task” in the first sentence. Ugh.
There was a time in my life where, no matter how busy, I read my Bible an hour a day. It was a priority, and I found not only did I get everything done in time, I often got it done with more ease and efficiency. Being able to refocus and recenter myself was always a great thing. But once I got out of the groove, it’s been hard to get back in it.
And then of course, there’s church. I haven’t attended church with any frequency since before I got married two and a half years ago. My husband, while probably more in tune with God than I am, is not really interested in attending.
That’s certainly no excuse for me not to attend — he was very encouraging of me doing whatever I needed to do. But it certainly is my No. 1. hesitation in getting invested somewhere. I cringe when I think about going without him. I want to learn about God with him … not a room full of strangers. Even though before we were together, I went alone all the time. Does that make sense?
And I’d like to build bonds with other people in the church. But if those bonds are going to be centered around the most profound thing one can base a relationship on — God — I certianly want my husband to be a part of that.
And if I told him I really really really really wanted him to go with me, he would. And I may play that card eventually. But I don’t want to force his hand, so that will be a last resort.
Plus, some of you may know what I’m talking about, church-goers are some of the nosiest people I have ever met. People who use prayer as a form of gossip, God’s will as a reason to meddle in business that isn’t there’s. I’ve had some BAD experiences in this area, and get the willies just thinking of those people and the “of course I’m not being judgmental” judgmental faces they would make if I were to share this dilemma with them.
Is this unfair of me to pre-judge people at my potential future church before I even attend? You bet. Should I just suck it up and go to church because that’s what I need and trust that as long as I’m following God I shouldn’t fear what will happen next? Absolutely.
Will I? Dunno.
I could use your thoughts and maybe some encouragement.